I Gained a Second Angel

Being pregnant again and hearing my baby's heartbeat was the most beautiful thing in my life. Not even 3 weeks later that was taken from me, my whole world is shattered. My baby stopped growing at 10w4days, just a week after I heard it's beautiful heartbeat at 9w4days. I held on to my baby until 13 weeks. My angel had no heartbeat at my July 1st appointment, so my doctor set up for me to have a d&c July 6th cause we thought my baby would be too big to pass on it's on. Well my baby had other plans, Friday, July 3rd my baby decided it didn't want to have surgery and it came on its own. 3 hours of contraction like pains and my baby became an angel. My new guardian angel. I love my baby, always have and I always will. My beautiful angel wasn't ready for this world, it will join his brother Ethan in heaven. We are getting genetic testing done to see if something went wrong, with that we will hopefully find out the gender. Knowing the gender will help put my heart at rest and we will be able to name our angel. I hope we will have our answers soon. I am so sad inside, I have a second hole in my heart for my baby. I love you my angels, keep watching over us!

Preseed...one word, WOW!

Well I tried preseed for the first time, and let me tell you it made a BIG difference on how it felt...in a good way! I mean BDing is good but this was like AMAZING! I was so surprised at how it felt and so did the hubby. Now I know that I was missing something without this lubricant and I won't be BDing without this stuff again!

We are now in the long TWW again, and I can't wait to get to the end already. I'm not going into too positive but I'm not going into negative either. We did what we could and that's all that matters. I didn't stress over the opk's and temping this month which made me feel much better. All I did was drink my teas', take my mucinex, and enjoy sex, so that's all that matters. If I fall pregnant this month that would be great, but if I don't there is always next month. I'm trying to relax this month and it has been working great!

Oh the other week, the hubby and I had to go to NC (with AF visiting) for business reasons. Well we made the most of it and went golfing (my first time) and we went to a last minute Taylor Swift concert (who I love) and it was WONDERFUL! It was the most fun we had in a while, got to enjoy each other company, and got privacy. Here is one of the pics from the concert below (I'll have more when I get them off of hubby's phone):

On a side note, I went to a Starbucks on the way back and they were not listening to me when I spelled my name, so this is how it came out:

Nice right! lol

But anyways cheers to the TWW and luck and babydust to every future momma!!!

on to the next one

SOOOOO AF has showed her face today CD 30/14dpo/now CD1. I'm ready for the next cycle now, I'm going into this cycle with a positive attitude. I think it will happen this cycle, this is my month! I've been too focused on everything and ttc that I hadn't realized before I had the miscarriage I got pregnant without all this charting and opks. Its really makes it more stressful to focus on my husband & I and our dream of a baby.
So next month I'm only using the few opks I have left (which is not many) and no temping after ovulation is detected. I'm also going drinking green tea, rooibos tea, and I'm going to also being trying preseed this month. I have been hearing good things about preseed sooo maybe it will work for us ;D

 

 Well next month is going to be my due date for my baby Ethan...I'm not really looking forward to it. October 21, 2013...I don't know how I'm going to handle it...

Here's to another TWW...

SO here we are in the TWW again...sigh...already ready for it to be over. I'm currently on 7dpo, after ovulating on CD 16. I usually ovulate on CD 10-14, so this was really weird for me. I'm not counting on this cycle working, but still crossing my fingers that it is still my cycle.

If this month turns out to fail, then next month I'm not going to be doing OPK because I think it makes me stress out much more. I'm going to continue charting my temperature, taking mucinex, and drinking raspberry leaf tea. This cycle I'm not symptom spotting cause I go crazy trying to see if other people had the symptom before their BFP. I haven't had any noticeable symptoms to record anyway, so that helps too. ;D

Something new I started this month was checking my cervix, let me tell you it is not easy! It is really cool though cause got to feel how it was exactly when I was ovulating; it might be hard but it was so worth it. I'm going to be doing this next cycle, instead of using an OPK to find out when I'm close to ovulation.

7 days left in the TWW, 7 days to test!!!!
Crossing my fingers and praying for my rainbow someday!
Babydust & Luck to the rest of you lovely ladies :-*

Update; sorry for the MIA status

Yeah I know I haven't  been on in a while, just too many crazy dramas going on in my life! For right now things are quiet. I've been arguing with my dad a lot, and I hate conflict so we know who is starting is...dad...So right now we are staying at my mother-in-laws house that is far away from my job and my fur babies but I'll make it work. In the process of having our own place again here in NY after being in NC for a year. I'm soooo excited and can't wait to have privacy again :D.


I have been thinking a lot lately (and have been wanting to post this for days :-/) that why can't life BE like a life game! You go around the board, make tons of money, have a career & a family, and retire with tons of money. If life were that simple then I'd have a family in a heartbeat! There are no miscarriages, infertility, or to worry about money; I just wish life could be a simple as that, then we'd all have our rainbow ;-*

So I obviously didn't get my bfp last month, so we are trying it again. My new cycle started on August 12, and right now I'm on CD 15 waiting to ovulate tomorrow; last month I ovulated early (CD10), this month I JUST got a positive opk today CD 15. SO I'm doing the deed tonight, tomorrow night and the next night :D. I hope this is my month, but at the same time I'm not holding my breath :-/ Let the TWW begin again!!!

Received this lovely package from one of my TTC sister, definitely made my day and made me very happy! I loved the notebook and the quote on it, "Live in Hope." I've been doing that and it helps me try to think more positive. But I do slip up often...

 

Well I'll try and post something again soon, instead of being MIA.

Luck and baby dust to all you lovely ladies!!!!

Today CD 11 Mani/Pedi

Well I didn't get to test with the opk today cause I didn't get to go home to get my stuff (at mother in laws house). Won't be there until tomorrow either, really sucks :-/ well hopefully this is my month! I'm crossing my fingers and toes that I will get my BFP at the end of my TWW. Last time I got my BFP I ovulated on CD 11, so maybe I'll get lucky again ;k

My husband at least treated me to a mani/pedi today, so I'm happy. MIL also gave me some of her old clothes from skinny says, they are old but the style people wear now haha. 

On another note, I really wish my hubby would stop playing video games. He gets too frustrated with them and it really annoys me. 

During this TWW I will try to keep myself distracted with work and learning yoga with my BFF ;) must not test early!!! Lol not testing until August 10/11!!!! 

Good luck and baby dust to everyone in there TWW ;k

Life & Starbucks

So right now I'm trying to conceive and it's just not going as easy as I thought since the miscarriage I had :(. It's so hard and tiring, but I've just been trying not to think about it too much and go with the flow. I'm back in New York now (after living in North Carolina for a year), and my parents told my whole town here in NY that I was pregnant before so now I have everyone come and ask me how's the baby. I hate having to tell everyone that I lost it, I'm trying to get past it but it's hard with everyone bringing it up over and over again. It just makes me sad all over again >_<;. Just trying to get through everyday one step at a time with the help of my BFF & Starbucks :-*. (And maybe some DD lol)