I Gained a Second Angel

Being pregnant again and hearing my baby's heartbeat was the most beautiful thing in my life. Not even 3 weeks later that was taken from me, my whole world is shattered. My baby stopped growing at 10w4days, just a week after I heard it's beautiful heartbeat at 9w4days. I held on to my baby until 13 weeks. My angel had no heartbeat at my July 1st appointment, so my doctor set up for me to have a d&c July 6th cause we thought my baby would be too big to pass on it's on. Well my baby had other plans, Friday, July 3rd my baby decided it didn't want to have surgery and it came on its own. 3 hours of contraction like pains and my baby became an angel. My new guardian angel. I love my baby, always have and I always will. My beautiful angel wasn't ready for this world, it will join his brother Ethan in heaven. We are getting genetic testing done to see if something went wrong, with that we will hopefully find out the gender. Knowing the gender will help put my heart at rest and we will be able to name our angel. I hope we will have our answers soon. I am so sad inside, I have a second hole in my heart for my baby. I love you my angels, keep watching over us!

April 1st: "You are my one and only..."

Small Bump by Ed Sheeran


This song is my ode to Ethan, my angel. This is the song that I put on repeat every time I think about my baby Ethan because it reassures me that he is somewhere he is needed, but at the same time it makes me cry my eyes out. Today marks the one year anniversary I found out the my sac was empty...that my baby had died at six weeks when I carried that empty sac until 12 weeks...

Today is going to be a hard day for me, but I think I might be able to pull through it. I'm sad, yes, but at the same time I cannot let that sadness overcome me. There will be another day when I will finally hold my own baby in my arms...

I don't know what to do right now, I thought writing out my feelings would help and it has...

When will it be my turn again?



"...Maybe you were needed up there and we're still unaware as why" - Ed Sheeran

on to the next one

SOOOOO AF has showed her face today CD 30/14dpo/now CD1. I'm ready for the next cycle now, I'm going into this cycle with a positive attitude. I think it will happen this cycle, this is my month! I've been too focused on everything and ttc that I hadn't realized before I had the miscarriage I got pregnant without all this charting and opks. Its really makes it more stressful to focus on my husband & I and our dream of a baby.
So next month I'm only using the few opks I have left (which is not many) and no temping after ovulation is detected. I'm also going drinking green tea, rooibos tea, and I'm going to also being trying preseed this month. I have been hearing good things about preseed sooo maybe it will work for us ;D

 

 Well next month is going to be my due date for my baby Ethan...I'm not really looking forward to it. October 21, 2013...I don't know how I'm going to handle it...

Thinking ♥

Today I was hanging out with my BFF and it was the first time I really opened up to her a out my miscarriage in April. It's just been really hard with ttc to conceive and dealing with the loss that everyone keeps asking about...it's really hard :( she is very understanding and supportive of my journey. Who could ask for a better friend :)

So right now I'm in the 2ww and I'm already impatient :-O 2 dpo now. I want the two weeks to up already. I'll get through this week because I'll have a lot of distractions, but next week I'm not so sure :-/ pray for me that this is my month for a bfp!  

Oh and this was in lost and found today army job, how do you lose something like this lol >o< spot me in the mirror :k